Normally With Leather takes the weekends off, adopting a borderline-religious “the Internet can go f**k itself” stance about updating on Saturdays. Normally.

Enter: a preview of Kate Upton’s first swimsuit shoot (swimshoot?) of 2012 for Beach Bunny. If you need a deeper explanation, at one point she’s wearing a tiny bikini with thigh-high tube socks. I don’t know from what wonderful part of my brain these pictures sprung, but I didn’t want to wait until Monday morning to show them to you. Also, I’m pretty sure it was near the bottom.

Larger versions of some of the photos are available by clicking (or doing that “view image” thing when they break our columns), and obviously the second the full shoot goes online I will send them along. If you want them to be really great, don’t click through and just think about what they’ll look like until Monday morning. On second thought don’t do that. I think that’s how David Carradine died.

Anyway, happy weekend, everybody.

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Welcome to Friday Face-Off, our weekly random video competition that pits two of the Internet’s most wildly popular videos against each other for the sake of determining which is the world’s most popular video of this week. Please submit any videos to BurnsyWL@gmail.com and if your video wins, you’ll receive a brand new With Leather t-shirt.

We’re going back to the Friday Face-Off roots this week, and we’re pitting two ferocious wild animal videos against each other. The first video is actually one person’s heroic effort to train the most terrifying animal in the whole universe – the common kitten. Make sure to double up on your adult diapers while watching this video, because you will urinate from fear.

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An an episode from last year’s third season of ‘Parks And Recreation’ (the best show on TV, if you aren’t into making gifs), Leslie Knope is told that she’s organized Pawnee’s upcoming Harvest Festival on the site of an ancient Wamapoke Indian burial ground, and that unless she moves it, the festival will be cursed. Wamapoke tribe leader John Redcorn Ken Hotate goes on local TV show Ya Heard? With Perd! to spread the news of the curse and brings an animated video in the style of Next Media Animation’s batsh*t insane Taiwanese news recaps to illustrate his point.

Fast forward to two days ago when Parks And Rec star Rob Lowe (of all the people in the world) broke the story of Indianapolis Colts quarterback Peyton Manning’s impending retirement, citing “pretty darn good sources”. The story might not be true, but a butterfly flapped its wings on Twitter and caused a tidal wave to hit Taiwan, and now the goofy animation news team parodied on Parks And Recreation are making a goofy animated news piece about someone Parks And Recreation reporting news.

Hold on, my Internet is broken.

Taiwan’s attempt to rationalize the Indianapolis Colts’ futility with horse punching and lightning bolts is below.

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hey guys, what's going on in this chatroom

After a brief hiatus caused by me doing this goddamn comic strip seven years in a row without stopping and needing a break inactivity in the world of baseball, The Dugout is back and ready to tackle the tough issues, such as Manny Ramirez going swimming with a bunch of old people in a T.O.-esque attempt to show he’s still athletic and able to play professional sports.

As we build to the greatest day of the year (pitchers and catchers report~), we’ll go back and touch on some of the stories we may’ve missed, like Jim Thome getting traded to Philadelphia, Kyle Farnsworth miraculously not being traded anywhere and Brian Wilson putting on spandex that looks like a tuxedo so people will write about him when he does his dishes. We’ll also become increasingly obsessed with Albert Pujols, despite his entire story being “I’m great at baseball so whatever, I’ll go play it for a billion dollars somewhere”. We may also write about Dan Quisenberry, even if you don’t give a righteous f**k who that is.

Anyway, welcome back to the weirdest, most well-established, most sorta-racist fictional world in pro sports reporting. Today’s Dugout is after the jump.

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That guy gets it.

Things started off well for Andy Roddick at the Australian Open, as he won his first round match over the Netherlands’ Robin Haase 6-3, 6-4, 6-1. But then America’s most decent men’s tennis player and best guy who married up got a little greedy. Roddick was pulling double duty at the Open, teaming up with Serena Williams for today’s mixed doubles action, and the pressure was just too much for his already injured hamstring.

Yesterday, Roddick retired during the third set of his match against Lleyton Love Hewitt, and thus ends our time with Roddick’s wife, Brooklyn Decker. Blah blah blah, Roddick was upset or something.

“It’s frustrating; it’s discouraging,” Roddick said after the match. “You know, your sensible mind says to have a sense of perspective. You still have it pretty good.

“The competitor in you feels terrible and wants to break stuff.”

(Via the New York Times)

You want to break stuff? The only joy of my Monday mornings after a tennis tournament is looking for pictures of Decker. Now I got nothing, except for that banner pic and some random pictures of her modeling different weird hats earlier this week in Australia. Even worse, I was all set to use my favorite GIF come Monday…

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By all accounts, 2011 was a fantastic year for David Beckham. Granted, it doesn’t take much for Beckham to have a great year, other than just waking up and collecting whatever random amount of money is being thrown at him and his wife, Ginger Scary Sporty Baby Posh Victoria, that day. But last year he was fortunate enough to get the albatross off his back in helping the L.A. Galaxy win the MLS Cup, and unless I missed someone throwing a pot of boiling water at his face, he’s still David-f*cking-Beckham.

Momentum already seems to be carrying over into 2012 for Becks as well, because word is he’s already being heavily considered to be the captain of Great Britain’s soccer team at the Olympics in London, and he’s returning to the Galaxy for two more seasons, as some people assume he’ll eventually make a push to buy the team. But before any of that happens, he has one tiny little thing that he wants to take care of – he really wants to sue In Touch Weekly and prostitute Irma Nici for claiming that he slept with her 5 times to the tune of $10,000 a pop in 2007.

The problem is a judge already said he can’t.

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